Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
