handjob tips. give me some.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
