either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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