better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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