I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
