how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
