we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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