no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
