This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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