I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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