I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
