You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They took my balls.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
