she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
