I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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