Please, let me fuck your mom
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
