He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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