i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Non-Jews are for practice
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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