But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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