Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i out mim tonsoeep
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
