Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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