Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
