Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
