just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
