I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
