I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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