"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
