Sry I called you an 8
...so i touched it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
