It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
