so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
