When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
