you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
