we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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