Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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