yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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