brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
