Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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