I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
