Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
