just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
