i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
