I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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