Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
