I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
