the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
