He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
