Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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