I got chris browned last night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. Theyโre talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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