i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
