you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
