party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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