I faked an abortion last night.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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