glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
