You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
