Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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