Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
