why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
