OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
