I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
