his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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