it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
