Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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