I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you would pick up someone in the library
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
