There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
