I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
