I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
