I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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