Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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