apparently the secret to your success is patron
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
