I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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