I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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