i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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