ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
