I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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