marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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