I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
