I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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