why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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