I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
