we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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